Transparency- Chef E Revealed

She does not were make up, highlights her hair, had to start wearing glasses at forty, sounds nasalize'ize (made up word), tells corny jokes, can still shake her booty, and has her foot up into the pan (means I have been told I can cook)...

Telling Christine AKA Mistress of Cakes that I thought about coming out of the shadows to show you how overweight I have gotten in the past year since my bio photo, and maybe it will help jet me into reality of seeing myself on camera today too...I had a big guy hug me and said he liked a little meat on his woman...

Today my group was invited to downtown Trenton to do a show and teach (Isle Youth School), a safe haven for kids to not be out on the streets. We talked to them about Open Mic, stage presence, singing and writing. How it has (can) changed our lives...what it means to us, and many of my guys have come out today, and talked about their younger years of coming from the trenches themselves...alcohol, drugs, time in jail...they so opened up and related to these kids. We spent the afternoon with.

They ask me to come back and teach some cooking classes, and us to do a performance again. Two of these kids read some of their poetry and almost knock me off my feet...also one of my regulars was playing and it was a catchy beat, so I got up and danced around the room!

I love volunteering and seeing how kids like this do what they can to redirect their lives in a positive way...

I have made a great bunch of friends through my Cultural Art Expression Group, but why are they all men? Would Freud have something interesting to say about this...

We will have footage of 'E' sessions uploaded with in the next few days, and you can put a voice to the face...click HERE

Smudging & Sage

I believe in cleaning out the skeletons from our closet, and that also refers to 'other' cleansing I previously talked about starting now...

I clean house once a week, am cleaning out my bad eating habits, and also use this sage bundle to clean out the bad spirits that lurk in the shadows...sometimes I want to walk the neighborhood and freak everyone out by waving this about, but I will not even go there...

There is this woman who lives in the neighborhood I call the 'Yard Nazi'...she thinks if she is outside cleaning up the weeds, leaves, and planting, planting, planting...then we all should be, so when I see her outside...I make a mad dash to my door, or to the car and make my get away...I pay fees to have landscape people do that stuff, and the last time I planted mums, and marigolds I got yelled at because the 'Yard Nazi' sprayed it all with miracle grow and now every year they grow back three feet tall and all fell over on my sidewalk...mind you the little pat on the hand I got was not as bad as the looks I got from other neighbors...

I hate drama...and now will smudge it right out of my space...

Serious TMI- The Test Scores Are In!

This is the real deal TMI report...I just got home from the health food store with two bags of fresh greens, collards, chard, mustard, and even some real weeds...dandelions...Yep gotta cleanse the colon to help out with my appointments at the Inner Spa with a bunch of nurses that will go where no man has never...well, we won't go there!

I am also taking probiotics (active herbs and enzymes) which I used to do, and when they ran out I did not run back to get more. Milk Thistle, fresh juicing (beets, garlic, apples), orange juice, and fresh avocado on a regular basis are homeopathic ways to heal the liver. If one choices to drink more than one or two recommended glass of 'RED' wine each night then our liver pays dearly...my days of being a health food store cafe chef are here to stay...

My ALT enzymes were elevated...there are four cause for this, beginning with liver damage through obesity, alcohol, jaundice, and hepatitis. The winner is...the first two! Yes, if you have ever noticed my bio picture only shows you the photographer looking down on my face. That's because I do not want my viewers to see my big fat belly! A look like I am related to Mr. Peanut on the commercials for Planters Nuts...yes and my own mom used to call me 'peanut' because I have skinny muscular legs, no booty unlike her side of the family, small droopy shoulders, and a big fat belly (my booty is in the front).

A combination of weight folks along with alcohol will take its toll on the body and its organs, my path is killing my liver...so I have decided to journal my eating and take a photo of my mid section, and get serious about my aging body! This is my public announcement...E is in the pool more than three times a week with a low fat diet, and no more excuses, because I got my wake up call!

My 'Behind The Wheel Chef' blog is going to be full of weed recipes now, so stay tuned...

Are We Safe?

TODAY'S RANT: How many times do I have to hear "Is It Safe" when I mention going into Trenton to do an Open Mic, and most recently a school, Isles Youth School, has asked us to perform and teach from 1-4 PM, January 31st, this coming Saturday. My reply is "Well I hear Camden or West Philly is worse". They always reply "Well...Yeah".

I grew up in a mostly African American, Hispanic neighborhood in my early years, and was the minority- (me who is part Caucasian) neighborhood. I know what violence is, and know that it extends beyond the borders we build around our own lives. I have had a forty five magnum waved and pointed at me by my father and a lone gunman who came in my work place at four thirty in the morning to rob me.

So this little twenty minute drive, that may or may not lead you to park near a suspicious house, that may or may not house a thief or gang member, who may or may not whack you as you get out of your car in broad daylight...hey maybe they will jack your GPS system that you stupidly left on your dash board, or that bag in the back seat you forgot to put into the trunk.

I say do not leave home with valuables you would worry so much about, the car has insurance that already gets over used by thoughtless people, and yourselves...well that is precious cargo, but I have been to 'the' neighborhood of that area and seen people just like me walking all around, and felt very safe. Fear no longer dwells in this mind or body any longer, it held me captive for a long time, but now I am glad to say I am a Knowmen...

Question: What is SAFE today?

Stop judging...because we are not even safe in our own homes anymore, not to mention the crazy drivers that roam the streets in 'BROAD DAYLIGHT'...

TERMS OF USE: This blog is not meant or directed at anyone one person and by reading it if you become paranoid or offended, well maybe you should think about accepting the truth written by the very opinionated author- Chef E.

JOKE: Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

I want some grass...

I used to love the spring nights of my Texas home and birthplace, as my children were young and lively, one ran fast and hard, hitting the pillow just about the same way at bedtime; while the other fell from simple exhaustion, and lurking sadness that beat within her chamber walls.

Once all was quiet, crickets chirping, with even the slightest breeze entered my open door, I would push the screen open and walk down five steps into my front yard garden, lay down in the uncut grass that took me away to a earthy tropical fantasy, sometimes ecstasy as I lay under two pecan trees and remember my youth.

Boredom would send this child outside to the side of our house, under my mothers watchful eye through kitchen window, on the slope that ended at unseen fence lines in the perfect soft bed of Saint Augustine blades that only grew in direct sun; that cost you a hot summers thirst, but tickled your neck, legs, hiding tiny insects that found refuge upon your skin, across your hairline borders, as snow angel moves made a girl look like she was possibly mentally challenged, but really a day dreamer who lives in the moment of old memories, and a love for escape in some grass under nights cover...

I now live in a condo with only a small patch of what I call golf green, gravel and pavement as my lawn, a reminder of what I left behind...and have no control...and if it wasn't for Some Good Dirt, we would have none...

I cannot keep quiet

I have sat at my computer for two days now, and cannot believe my mind is in a fog. I have pecking away at my novel, 'Taking Cover', and have been on a role with the next chapters of mystery filled saga, but my blog is quiet, as well as you blog'gers out there. WTH is going on with all of you?

I know when the super bowl is on next week it will be a dead zone on here, so what is going on people?

A guy I know that knows another guy, who knows another guy finally helped me put of some footage of my 'Cultural Art Expression- Open Mic' on our youtube site...wanna see...huh...huh...

Well go here and check out Karl Dentino sing late 1800 Rag blues, and we should have this guy up by tomorrow...Robert Avila who is only 15 sing his little heart out!

I just set an appointment to do some studio time for reading my poetry, so you can at least hear my voice, maybe see all fabulous pounds of my smiling face and body too!

As The (Family) World Turns...

Normally I just would not even go here, but having grown up in the original dysfunctional family, yes, if you google 'dysfunctional' you will see my family portrait. Actually my life is like Debra most recently said in a blog, 'Life can seem like a Tobey Keith song', well maybe not those exact words, but it is true...when you really come from Texas...

My song today is about a younger sister living in Texas who calls her big sister on almost a daily basis. The younger sister cries about how she lives in a shit hole of a situation with a long line of abusive relationships, married three times, the latest is married (to someone else), but they say they are, and live together. Eleven years of fighting, and who knows whom is hitting whom, since I never have witnessed it. A son who is thirty and recently brought a baby (Evan, another chapter) into their world of mental illness and misfortune. The mother has manic depressive issues too. No cars because they broke down, and no money for insurance. No jobs to ever be seen. Sister is on disability, because our government does not make house calls to check and see if they really need it. The son is now living on the street, and some how got unemployment checks from a job he actually stayed on more than a week? The sister wants to save money and come visit me, but she just keeps giving it over to the 'husband' and son, and then realizes they used her to get money, and then goes back to treating her like shit again, go figure. If she is not talking about this stuff she is sharing her real taking a shit stories; seem like every time I call her back she is in the crapper...(I made a funny)

So, I feel like the phone calls are broken records and repeats of the soap operas of my sad mother's lonely life in the sixties and seventies. (I am not knocking soap operas, so no hate mail please). My son once said to me when they were small as I was keeping up with 'All My Children', because the salon girls and clients were always talking about it and I was out of the loop on the stories...he said "Mom, could you turn off that TV and play with us, those people are always crying about the same stuff each week". That hit home, and I have never looked back.

Life is drama without the extra drama on television. I also am capable of writing a little into my novel I am working on. Hell, I could write a sad country song if I want! I actually am writing this so I can get back to finishing my first thirty pages of editing so I can send it over to my new editor Erika, but I needed to take a moment to push the negative vibes passed through the long distance wires of Dallas to New Jersey.

To finish this hopefully short story I told my sister when she began to talk about her adhesion's that were building up inside her body from all the surgeries she has had (she will show you the scares if you do not run fast enough), and from all the beatings she gets from the abusive men she latches onto...I said 'STOP'. "Sis, have you ever thought about journaling, or volunteering, or trying to think positive, write down some goals, or just get the hell out of you situation"?

She responded that she has tried all the stuff I was suggesting, but she was just destined to be like our mom, and live in the midst of turmoil and pain...to be alone, but not want to be alone...(hear little violins yet?)

My 'As The (Family) World Turns'...well she is the actress on the show that never ages, just has surgeries to stretch our her fake smile, and ends up related to everyone that married everyone else. The little sister was the most affected by the abuse and drama in the home of my youth, but the other siblings who also might have been do not even call, because I made it clear my number was unpublished (a whole 'nother can of worms). The sister Photonuts AKA Donna Kay, well we are not even related by blood, just marriage, and we always laugh and say "Just turn the damn channel when the story gets old"!

Sure I could cut this finger on that hand off too, but hell my dad made me promise since we were his only blood born from our mother, to look after her. Even he knew she was helpless, but I wish she had sense enough to educate herself and move on...maybe one day she will get my hints...In spite of my rant, I do love ALL of them! Thanks for listening Ya'll...

Too too cute!

I have to share this...I know some of you crack me up, but what better than a mom who shares a funny thier kids shared with them...

go over and check out 'Time Of Your Life', and come back and tell me something funny your kid said...

I need some more laughs after I get back from the funeral today of my employee's sons funeral...

My Funny-

We used to drive past this seedy block of town when my kids were about 5 and 6...we would briefly pass a strip club...with a huge sign out front that said 'Free Buffet, Salad Bar,....'...One day the kids were a little hungry and we got caught at the light right in front of the club, and my son Aaron says "Mom why have we not eaten at that place over there" (the strip club), I looked over and said "Umm, well because it has food we do not eat, and it cost way too much money".

A week or so later we get stuck at that light again, and Aaron says "Mom you lied to me, that is not a restaurant, that is a place were women take their clothes off for money". Shocked I turn around and said "Who told you that"? He told me that when my friend picked them up one day to take them out to lunch they had driven by and he asked her if they could eat there for lunch, and she laughed and told him what it really was. I could not get upset at my friend, she did not know, and she was telling him the whole truth, not the half truth I said. They did serve an all you can eat buffet, but I was not ready for him to learn so soon about the other kinds of buffet.

Have a funny day!

Thinking Thursday

I have decided, well with your permission, lol, yeah you know me "Does what she wants, when and where she thinks it will get the most attention or shock someone"...I saw this writing prompt on another website...they have it as sort of a game, but I am doing it as a writing assignment.

One of my Behind The Wheel Chef followers remembered I was a teacher (first time in college), and home schooled my children, especially my son who is loving his college course (whewww), and I always want to encourge writing down personal feelings, or imaginative accounts that pop into our heads; it can stimulate ideas that later down the road affect our lives in a positive way, or just gives us a good ole laugh! Laughter is good for the soul...

Here is what we are going to do, and I hope I get some participation out of you guys!

1.) Tell us about a memorable blind date.
Mine only one was in high school, sophmore year...my best friend wanted to go out with this big cowboy who looked like he could take down a whole football team and drove this enormous pick'em up truck...when they drove up my mom got upset, why, because they both came in separate trucks (the guys), but she let me go. We went to a drive in theater to see what else "Up In Smoke", and I told my mom we saw something else. Well my date was cute, but he had a broken arm. He asked me if I wanted to drive his 'prize' truck and I felt so privileged, but really what he had planned was to lay in my lap and try some moves on me...I stopped the truck, got out and asked him to take me home. He told his friend later that I was a prude, but I told them that really we 'did' do something and that he sucked, so his friend gave him a hard time, and he called my house drunk one night and my mom told him to learn some good moves, or he might not get another date with anyone.

2.) Other than the birth of a child or your wedding, write about a joyous moment.
I would have to say Jan 20th, 2009 was so far my most joyious moment- till his wedding day and I get a grandchild, lol

3.) Write about one of the most difficult decisions you have made in your life.

I would have to say it was when I admitted my business manager was right about my focus on my cooking company becoming a larger entity, and that my heart was into writing my book, and a career in writing and my performance arts work; so I finally found and editor I could work with and am working on perfecting my novel.

4.) Share the best picture you took last month and explain why it's your favorite.

This is motivating my losing weight...

There you have it, questions and my answers, so now it is your turn!

Transparency

I have been watching the news tonight and have heard the new president use the word 'Transparency', and the news casters say it over and over...this just reaffirms my personal feelings about how being transparent in our own personal lives can empower us to be who we really feel we are and not a candy coated pretender. If the government finally can do this then we might just make it work...together...

Sincerity, honesty, seeking a peaceful walk in life just Rocks...so share!!!

If you go bald you won't go back...

Plenty of you right now are going, HUH? Where the heck is she going with this one...cuban waxing? Ouch!!

No, I just saw that this blog had looked at my site on foodbuzz, and his picture/logo and name just hit a cord...I think bald men are sexy!

I have had a few friends who are bald, and then they shave their heads...I just want to rub that butt naked head like a genie's lamp! But I am not that brazen...I just sound that way sometimes.

So, I decided to post some education about how others out there feel about this topic...if you go bald you won't go back...well essentially it is true...for the person who is bald, but are they really better in the sack than most? Many urban myths are out there...like big hands and feet...and all else follows...yeah right like that one is always true!

I found some interesting male and female responses related to this subject 'Bald or not to be Bald'. Some have a choice to leave their Caesar do, with an added comb over (Yuck!), or get with the trends of today and shave the head...Women do it too...

Which do you prefer?

...and as far as Cuban Waxing goes...I did that Once, and did waxing in my hair salon I owned, 'Image By Design', yes ya'll, (this girl is a jack of all trades)...and it ain't pretty for either party!

Today is not just Inaguration Day, but another happy moment for me!

Today this cutie who's is named partially after my father is starting his first day of college! We talked last night and I actually (oh really) started crying, and he told me he was excited, and a little nervous. He is the second 'Akin' after me in my family history to attend college, and hopefully graduate with a bachelor degree.

My son also shared that he had meet a girl, and invited her to dinner, but she brought a friend who...flirted with him, and he felt odd with the whole situation. I told him that if he went with both of them, then he would have neither, and that he needed to be careful. We all now the wrath of women scorned right! He said that he talked to the original girl and that she was seeing someone, and her friend wanted to go out with him. Whats up with that? None of my friends ever passed off a guy to me... He said that he decided not to go out with the friend because she was just not interesting enough to him, but the original girl called him just before we talked and said that she admired him, and she kind of wished she was available, because the guy she is going out with is just not like my baby...ambitious and a hard worker...this mom just smiled...although believe me I am not dumb, he is a guy and has not been an angel!

I try and get him to come on here and blog like a journal, but instead he made a comment on myspace.com after we talked last night. He was defending his unclean apartment when I went for a visit, and also shared this...

"yeah mom you totally explain alot about your trip here ha ha. again sorry about the mess when you arrived the mr.clean bottle was almost gone ha ha.
well tomorrow is my first day of college, im not scared im excited!!!!!! call you later tomorrow love you!

your son that will make you proud,
aaron glen dillion"

Besides the fact that he lives 500 feet from a K-Mart, I will cut him a break, and it gave me something to do!

Today I celebrate more than our new president, and how our country is going to change for the good, but my own life is taking the turns I have been hoping for...

A Shout Out To My Peeps

The only reason I even have made it this far in life is because of my sense of humor that is connected to my heart somehow...go figure...I looked down when I hit 'my office' of late and saw this looking back up at me and I thought...

Somebody out there is thinking of me today...I am on my way to the doctors office and will tell what the tests say...cause I am ready to move out of this office and get back on my regular schedule of a once a day visit in this four by three cold room (because we live on the corner of a building) with only a mere rug between my feet and the floor, brrrrr.

For those of you who do not mind my toilet paper love today, sorry, reality bites us in the a...oh well, I am shouting back out to you guys some love of my own!

My Peeps Rock!!!

FIESTA of (Bathroom) Happiness

I am posting this early, because I have not been feeling well and am very sure I have to have a minor surgery as soon as possible due to pain getting more severe today, so I will be back on board soon...

Someone gave me this little book for my 42 birthday, and it has become a 'toilet' book. This little handful of reading is really nice to cheer up those potty blues...

Be True To Yourself

In authenticity there is truth
so it should become obvious...
that to be ourselves,
we should strive to be true to ourselves.
These days-
peer pressures, high-flying careers,
advertising, marketing, fashion, and spin-
we seem oddly compelled
to be anything but true
Anything but ourselves!
we struggle to fit into the latest styles,
we work too hard,
we decorate and redecorate
guided by half-hour television design gurus,
and seek out perfect partners

In truth, few of us
are near to being true to ourselves...

For there is truth in authenticity...

The other book I have sitting next to this in my little rolled wash cloth basket is one that my sweetie gave to me...a picture book of famous kisses...just in case we feel the need to have our bottoms adorned with kisses after we finish up the business in the 'powder room', and it is all up to my guest imagination...Just know that when guest enter my domain they are filled with good food, wine, and witty conversation, but I also add that special 'little book' treatment in others areas as well...

Time to relax and ponder...and clean house!

So, I felt it was appropriate to post a 'Vision Board' blog...

I saw my future as a child...an artist is many realms...writing a book after the age of forty, because my subconscious knew I need the time to gather experience and knowledge from what was to come (basically I was immature). When I was told that my first live born child would not live...I was surprisingly at ease. What else is a mother to do? Cry and beat the floor? Nope, had to go on and build an empire out of my talent and raise the life line to my family heritage...my painful birth of a now almost twenty two year old son who looks and acts just like me, possibly more like my father.

Gotta break those family chains...the bad ones genes...break the habits that have been passed on through childhood memory, pain...their own complex examinations come, but teach stronger lessons...I'm not a miracle worker, but I can be an example...

That is where my vision board comes in...my dreams...his inherit future of thinking positive and reaching for the stars...by setting goals...that is what I am teaching this kid...empowering myself.

Now do not think that I am a complete idiot and fall for religious and unreasonable thinking...I know this works, because I have done it all my life...it really works...see and therefore you will be...if only women who fall prey to their own self indulgent low self esteem would embrace the pure wealth of knowledge...educate yourself I say!

My vision board will have a picture of my dream house (big kitchen...room for my bike bitch's books and CD's), oh and the Harley...healthy body, no frills, because I like it simple, expensive, but simple...

I am Knomen

While writing a comment on Dash Deringer site, a beautiful artist in his own write, and quite handsome to look at...actually off the subject I could see just having a blog about him would fascinate me...but while leaving a comment on his blog, my word verification was 'Nomen'.

I looked it up in the dictionary and online...here is what I found...this fascinated me and gave me an idea...I am adding a 'K' and making it 'Knomen'.

Nomanhttp://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/noman - Not a person; Not a human; Not belonging to or created by mankind

Metrosexual is a neologism of the 2000s generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, and/or whose lifestyles display attributes stereotypically attributed to gay men.

There have been a few 'coined' phrases in the past eight years that define-

I am married to a Metro-Sexual...a man who is not gay, but grooms himself as if he were, but I can say that mine loves a woman's body to the maximum capacity...when I get my Harley one day, he will be my bitch on the back, because he likes he grandpa Mercedes Benz parked out front.

I grew up and was not a tomboy, because I was not into sports,did not climb trees (will now),could not hit a softball or catch one for the life of me...but I liked to hang with the pretty girls with my long hair, jeans and tee shirts, and hated make-up (lipstick came much later)...I always have that on hand, because my grandmother always had hers on and said you should never leave the house without it on.Combing my hair more than required was and still is today a pain in the ass, morning and before bedtime is enough.

I went to beauty school because during college I was robbed at gun point, and was fru-fru for a VERY short period, got more attention from men than I cared, but I survived without over partying repercussions. There is one thing that separates me from many women I meet today, I like cigars and scotch, I am not afraid to be passionate, and when I look into a mirror it is to examine myself, my character.

Since then having been married, children, lots of work and creativity...have decided I have never fit into any public persona of what a 'woman' is...so, I am creating a category for myself...Knomen.

Not a man, but still part woman...I skip through life like a nomad...trying each and everything, checking off my 'things to do in life' list happily, and think we are all so wonderfully and inescapably the most beautiful creatures when combined or in touch with each side...along with many other things on the planet, and universe. I have found my voice in this life and do say 'No' when I want without fear of not being liked, and seek to gain as much knowledge as I can. I am a freed Knomen.

A Post of Silence

I got news late last night of a woman who worked in my cafe part time who's son was tragically was killed in an automobile accident last night. Veronica is funny, always caring, and would just clean, clean, clean at the drop of a hat for you, and we had some good times all of us in the store together. I know she loved her son very much, and have been told she is grieving to the point that my our co-worker Imani did not even recognize her when she came on the scene.

Since I have personally be affected by the death of my own child eight years ago I am very sensitive to 'Any' kind of tragedy in 'Any' of yours or persons I have come in contact too. It is sad to loose someone you love, but loosing a child can change your life forever...

It is hard for others to know what to say to a mother in this situation, but hugs and being there no matter what they ask of you is the sign of true friendship...death is hard to deal with, it opens many wounds in our own lives, but if we walk away with out understanding that simply being there is all one needs to know everyone cares...no words necessary...

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men
as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright
exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.

-Helen Keller

If you want to visit my InsNoutsofE site I have posted a poem in memory of Ane, and Veronica's son...

Another game???

I know how many of these word games are out there? Well I suppose we will see...here is one sent to me via email from a young friend of mine, Ang...I post hers with instructions and then mine follows...

The Name Game

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Angela

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.
Angizzle

3.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:(fav color & fav animal)
Red Tiger

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street)
Janine Mulberry

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name,
first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden
name)
Kraanlan

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
Magenta Angtini

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother's middle name and
father's middle name )

My name would be nonexistent, neither of my parents have a middle name. No one could ever find me!!!!!!

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets)

Black Grace

9. YOUR DRINK NAME: (FAV. FRUIT AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF MOM FIRST
NAME AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF DAD FIRST NAME)

Okay, E's turn...

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Queen Elizabeth

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: Qu'Eizzle

3.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: Pink %*$@ (to x-rated, I do not have a favorite 'real' animal

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Ann Sayre

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Steelken

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: Orange 'tini

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: Louis Glenn

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: Black %*$@ ...see there I go again too x-rated, something I have not tried before, I'm so bad...Goth I am so bad *giggle*

9. YOUR DRINK NAME: Orange Viralt

Hummmm...this was interesting...but not as revealing as they have been! But, hey if you want to play then copy, paste, and go...

Open Mic Pictures 1/13

She wanted to see pics from the Open Mic I run in NJ...tonight we had a record 13 people show to perform, and it keeps growing...not because I am a fabulous MC and Host, but because there are creative people out there who know it is hard to break into the music and writing field, but want a chance to show off their talents!...and I was smart enough to start this darn thing so I could read my stuff and hang with other artists like they did in the 1050's to 1990's...

Ian, Poet...and a 'chef' dreamer, and you better believe I said no, stick to writing, you are talented...and you do not want to work for minimum wage at this point in your life...just come and blog about that 'popcorn curry' you told me about tonight, and you will find a culinary place among us!

Jacob...the 'quiet man' and they tend to be the real charmers, with his subtle singing and raspy voice...I think he is the one that could go far...

Eric, what a charmer ladies...he could have easily taken over my MC job, and I would have let him...he has definitely performed before, many times!

Very astute and handsome this man is, Bill, he is new to the poetry scene but a great writer...

A couple of girls, Bridget and Kailey, who sing with Robert, and sounded the best they have ever so far...they have been practicing! Good job youth of today...

Brian is also a newbie to the scene, and was his first time...he was quiet, but give him a few more times, and I will have to run him off stage!

This is part of the crowd...I take pictures and video tape it, we have a website, but I do not have the video up yet...still working on that part...

Howie...this was his first time to perform live in front of a microphone...he sounds and plays like Bruce Springsteen...or Dylan...Great!

Robert is 15 years old and sings Mayday Parade like he wrote it...fabulous player and singer!

Sorry ladies, no picks of me tonight because it is over when the fat lady sings, and she holds the camera!

What Are U Worth?

In my food blogs I spoke about what our society has come to when we accept eating junk food, because it is less expensive, but really when you are feeding more than a few mouths it gets really expensive!...and then they are hungry an hour later...well how about this piece I found...can you imagine how the child will feel when they get older?

updated 9:44 p.m. ET, Mon., Jan. 12, 2009

GREENFIELD, Calif. - Police have arrested a Greenfield man for allegedly arranging to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.

Police said they only learned of the deal after the 36-year-old man went to them to get his daughter back because payment wasn't made as promised. The man was arrested Sunday on suspicion of human trafficking.

Officers also arrested an 18-year-old man on suspicion of statutory rape. Investigators believe the girl went willingly with the man, but she's under California's legal age of consent and can't legally marry.

7 Facts About Me Game

K, passed on this fun little things from someone else...now I am making two rules...when you get tagged you have to create a link from who you were tagged by, and a link to the ones you pass it on too...that way we create more traffic, and we can follow what the 'tagged' person says! ...in a pay it forward kind of way!

You just post '7' random things about yourself that are funny, and personal! (You may copy and paste if needed!

1. My living room is an art department, but I have a way of hiding things if I have company...at least I think it is hidden, but anyone could come over and play with clay and draw...we live in a tiny condo!

2. I am meeting once a week with a friend to work on personal issues like bringing the positive energy around me, and improving myself to notice when I am passing on negative energy by complaining, and we are making a 'Vision Board', you know the guy that was on Oprah.

3. I am not a routine girl...I have trouble organizing, but before kids and sick daughter used to be so OHD about cleaning!

4. I'm not a big potty mouth these days, but I develop a form of tourettes around my super religious friends. I had a few very religious coworkers (like date a girl for 9 months and never kiss her religious) and I just couldn't help stop the wave of inappropriate remarks whenever I was near them. The harder I tried not to swear or tell dirty jokes, the worst it got. (Thanks to TMI for reminder me of this fact with a recent post.) - I loved that K said that, because I have one...but in public I do not say things at all, I am a total and 'true' good girl! Shit did I say that!

5. I love to read too, my favorite is Vampire novels, and Sci-Fi, but I read self help books to the oddest cookbooks!

I hate the library because I never got that damn Dewey Decimal system and still have to ask them where do I go...and guess what they still send me off to roam about on my own...so I like book stores, I can wander with out feeling stupid, and I went to college, lol

6. My car is a 6 speed manual. I love driving a stick because I can pretend I'm a race car driver (which I do all the time.) -I love this one K, me too!

7. I hate to wear clothes around the house...I come in the door and off comes the clothes, or these cotton gowns I love...ahhh I am my mother, but no Mo-Mo's...

I can write a lot in a day, a week, but I cannot help it, I have found random talking helps ease the stress...lol...also too many issues out there we avoid!

So there you go. A little randomness for your Tuesday Afternoon! I pass this on to Beth, and Debra...I know they will play!

Whoa...I think it is time for a chocolate fix!

After that blog 'War' over on the Behind The Wheel Chef post about hearing fast food bells I need a breather, and tried to clear the air tonight with some lemon chatter, but I think this calls for a bit of chocolate, don't you boys and girls!

Alexis aka Mom and Christine aka: Mistress of Cakes...here is a teeny weeny glass of wine for us all and lets have a laugh about that one...

I found a post over at TheGourmetFoodie on foodbuzz.com (if you do not know about this one you have to come over and buzz our creations) called 'Mind Altering Chocolate'. They talk about a new chocolate that is coming out from New Tree, and I do not know about you, but chocolate can rock my boat!

Check them out, they have a 'Chocolate Lounge'...what about a bath, I could use a warm chocolate soak!

What Do You See?

What do you see when you look at my watercolor painting?

I posted it on another blog and got an answer I had not seen when first looking at it, but now it is there...

Some of my favorite artists lived during the Impressionism period. My kids took art classes and did their own versions from each- Mondrian, Picasso, Pollack, and Van Gogh. I try and get people to appreciate art...even if you do a water color with your kids, or play with clay. Make a mud pie or build sand castles, that can be art.

What kind of art do you like? Are you moody and have to change it around? Is there an artist you like?

I also took down a post yesterday that was just not suiting me, but I had listed a website with cool food tattoos and Alexis is checking it out...I cannot believe how many cup cake tattoos there are out there!

What are you listening to right now? Me...Dave Mathews...here listen...

Im mixin up a potion...

a bomb of care...

I did it...

do you think I have gone to far...

I did it...

guilty as charged...

was me right or wrong...

I did it justice...

I just did it from above...

you better lock me up...

I'll do it again...

go down to the bottom of this blog and play some for yourself...

Did my husband come home last night?

Well he called me again and said the project he had to help get ready to ship out on Monday was taking longer than originally thought...so maybe he would come home by midnight I thought...

I had already walked in the door from my clients with a handful of Hoecakes, curried greens, and decided I was not through cooking before I knew his plans...I had gotten out pasta, Paccheri, and made two kinds of sauce, his way or my way, and that is how it goes...ask Buff...but the secret plan was not to have to cook Saturday, and maybe talk him into eating out...

In between web surfing, blog surfing, and running back down stairs to check on the sauce...I opened a bottle of chardonnay...had a glass, but then felt like I really was not in the mood...*halt* me not in the mood for wine? hmmmmm

Pasta was done, plated it up, took pics of all the food...turned the TV on...and then at eleven I laid down on the couch and fell asleep! What is my world coming to? I was right about not feeling well...kind of tired out I suppose...woke up at three AM like I have been doing for the past week...I saw hubby's brief case, and jacket...but too tired to put my glasses on...I wake up in the morning, and stumble around...it is quiet...maybe he is in the office...maybe he is down stairs eating his morning ritual cereal and rice milk?

No...no where to be found..."Sweetie...sweetie...swe...", well I be darned a note...'Gone to work', and he might be home by four o'clock in the afternoon.

Should I be happy? I can get on here and surf all I want...no just one today, and post my food tonight...I will be good and he will not even know it!

The Inner Goddess

I noticed this book on my friends shelf and she let me take it to read. Basically it is a tribute 'mythological' bad girls...

BV- or Before Vibrators...one chapter in the book... how before they were invented women used instruments of the unimaginable, and still not being 'happy' gave birth to monsters that roamed the earth, eating people...but of course those monsters were killed by a hero (a man of course) who must have been pretty good in the bedroom, because he got away with it!

Domestic Goddess- definition -
* any domestic or hearth goddess
* poetically, euphemistically or ironically, a housewife or homemaker.
* Domestic Goddess (television) was a planned cooking show hosted by actress and comedian Roseanne Barr.
* Nigella Lawson has also been nicknamed the "Domestic Goddess" after publishing a cookbook entitled How to Be a Domestic Goddess.
* As of January 2004 Jennifer Hamilton from Toronto, Canada has written and maintained an award-winning food blog entitled "The Domestic Goddess" at http://www.domesticgoddess.ca .

Hearth Goddess- A household deity is a deity or spirit that protects the home, looking after the entire household or certain key members. It has been a common belief in pagan religions as well as in folklore across many parts of the world.

Household deities fit into two types; firstly, a specific goddess (but never a god), often referred to as a hearth goddess or domestic goddess who is associated with the home and hearth, with examples including the Greek Hestia[1] and Norse Frigg. "Domestic Goddess" can also be used as a euphemism or ironical reference to the traditional female gender role of a housewife.

My point with sharing this is...Do you have a Eternally BAD Goddess inside of you?

Not to be confused with 'domestic goddess' as I listed above, we all are that in similar ways (men included), but is there something lurking inside that comes out once in a while; takes your mind away from your current circumstances into another persona? Are you good at something that you do not get credit for?

MORGAY: Scottish, Anglo-Celtic, A harvest Goddess from the Scottish/English border. If I were to chose a Goddess from my heritage, it would have to be this one...the BAD Goddess would be 'Eternally Delightful'...one who would be continually infectious in telling stories that are hilarious, raunchy, and fun!

Scatergories Throwdown!!!

You probably came over to see if I was going to admit to brain explosion from all my blogs and work overload, and it may seem like I might be a bit of an air head- college three times to prove otherwise :)

This is a game that Debra posted, then Alexis AKA Mom caught the bug...and now so did I...

You use the first letter of your first name to answer each question...tag someone else has to do it now...pass it on people...it is all about having fun in life!

(and we get more traffic to our blogs, hint hint!)


1. What is your name? Elizabeth
2. A four-letter word? Easy (cooking and writing are aren't they?)
3. A boy 's name? Evil (he does have a son that is Evil Knievel, Jr right?
4. A girl's name? Erin (that was not that hard/female version of my son's)
5. Occupation? Embalmers (just to freak you out, if my geek-ness did not)
6. Color? Ecru & Empa (I have provided proof below!)
7. Something you wear? Espadrille (I just dated myself)
8. Beverage? Edelweiss (a bar drink...below doubters)
9. Food ? Eel (I had to list something icky)
10.Something used in a bathroom? Etagere (picture below)


Chef E Geek Section:

Ecru- describes the shade greyish-pale yellow or a light greyish-yellowish brown. It is often used to describe such fabrics as silk and linen in their unbleached state. Ecru comes from the French word écru, which means literally 'raw' or 'unbleached'.

In the 1930s and before, ecru was considered to be the same colour as the colour beige (a synonym or alias for beige), but since the 1950s ecru and beige have been regarded as two different colors.

Empa- a yellow beige

I just happen to like earthy colors!

Edelweiss- A cocktail

Ingredients:
1 1/4 oz. Oval Vodka
1/4 oz. Apricot Brandy
1 oz. Fresh Lime Juice
1 oz. Simple Syrup
1/4 oz. Lemon Lime Soda
1 dash bitters

Instructions: Pour ingredietns into a chilled mixing glass. Stir ingredients and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a white rose petal.

Etagere- open cabinet used for display or storage unit



WARNING: This website is just for fun, so watch out it is contagious...

Jello Shots are still a hit...

What are we back in college...well I still feel like I am 21, and once in a while I like them...who does not like jello? Better than that molded stuff my grandmother used to make with fruit in it...

I went to say hello to HOODCHICK yesterday and noticed her funny rant about making jello shots, well you know that sparked a funny memory from this past September...

Hubby and I went on a long vacation, if you want to see more I posted a blog about it here- PNW...so you know me of course, when I visit a place I have to check out the local pubs, cause there are always 'characters', or interesting people who sit at the bar counter...I am one...the stories you hear are hysterical or just right down sad...but this has a happy ending...

These guys start asking me where I am from, so I say originally Texas, but in NJ now...and then they say 'so your a chef huh'?...and I say 'Yeah'...'Why'?...they say 'well we were in Texas once and saw this dish, and was wondering if you knew how to make it'...'I said, what was that'?...they said 'chicken fried steak'...I said 'yeah, I know how to make it' and like most who have never had it want to know what are the components...is it chicken stuffed with steak, you know the ideas that pop in someones head...and I think they were smoking some funny stuff out back...

The bartender is the owner, and he says hey that sounds good could you go show us now? Well I never pass up an opportunity to cook for others and we were hungry too...and for a few laughs, hey why not? ...so I am back there checking out the kitchen and showing them...that it is just a pounded out piece of strip steak (typically round steak was used in my house), soaked in cream or buttermilk (no buttermilk in that kitchen), and then deep friend, with homemade pan gravy...buttttttttttttt...I out of the corner of my eye in one of the coolers...what do I see...a loaded sheet pan full of jello shots!

Let my pics show you just what was next...no harm, except the hubby says no matter where he takes me he always ends up at a party...lol (he loves it!)

We were on vacation, ate and drank that night for free...

OH, BTW for those of you who have never had one, you stick either your tongue or finger into the cup and go around the outside of the jello and suck it down...over and out...Chef Livin'Lavida Loca

HOODCHICK posted a recipe for Jello Shots, yeppie.....

Chocolate, Wine & Friendships

This is my contribution to Mistress of Cakes...Cup Cake Challenge...she was going to put me in the blog corner, if I did not comply :(

Did you know that if women ate 3 ounce of chocolate per day we would walk around happy campers more often? Sinful, but 99% of all women love chocolate and that they may actually prefer chocolate more to than to sex? (Partners/Spouses...just make a chocolate trail to the bed room!)Reports show that there are health benefits to eating 2-3 oz of chocolate and a glass of red wine each day...

The sweetness from chocolate triggers the release of endorphins. Think about those blissful feeling you had after a wonderful session of lovemaking. That is the effect from the production of endorphins in your body. Perhaps that is why some women actually remarked that they felt a feeling of elation when eating chocolate.

Well, I have had some long days, and Tuesday is always one of the most stressful in my schedule. You already know I am a chef, well I moderate a group of Open Mic Artists that range from poets, writers, and acoustic musicians every other Tuesday in two different locations...feels like another job, but it is suppose to give me an outlet for my desires to stand up and read my work, sing a song I wrote or just be a comedian...like my father said, do not quit the day job, cause it won't pay the bills, but it does help...but then when last night was over...I was stressed from some issues with an 'un-named' person who just drives me crazy...so, I leave there, go to grocery store (weekly habit), and then decided to ease my whoas and make some 'Chocolate Plantain Cup Cakes'...I ate three of them with a glass of wine...or two...ahhhhh, feeling better already!

or find a friend on the blog, and she will reward you with this for cracking her up! Alexis @ Running Away? I'll Help You Pack is so nice... and I appreciate your following my rambles!



Go ahead and grab your chocolate fix when you have had a rough day, along with a glass of wine, and sit down at the computer and blog all you want...tell the family Chef E said it was good for you...and if Mama ain't happy...then no one is!...

Back by popular demand...

...and pure gumption...Mistress of Cakes has returned... I was going to create a 'Missing Person' blog on my Behind The Wheel Chef site, but hey...our 'We love you vibes' must have made it to her brain and she did not give into that blogger.com rules and this and that stuff... Warning, do not activate that 'Adult Content' on their profile site for you blog...I did it and almost ended up like her...unless you are planning to start a 'Nudie blog' full of that kind of material...we can still post that on here and who cares anyway...

I also was planning on giving her the TMI 'Sexy Mama' Award, but not knowing an address...here it is and hope Mistress, it is not a day late, and a dollar short!



So go hop in this imaginary sudsy bath I have ran for you, and remember to shut the bathroom door (oh I remember oh to well when the kids would come in and watch), lock it, bare it all, and slip down into a warm moment of knowing you are sexy, wonderful, worthy of attention and worth every word you type and all you love!

This is just a fun thing I wanted to do to those how have honored me, and make me feel well...wanted and appreciate my sense of humor...we all need a little 'Sexy' scrub now and then...and I said I would keep this clean...

Me and my big ole mouth!

Today as usual I went back arse backwards in the thinking...and had my big ole size 9 chef shoe in my mouth...did not feel good and has bothered me all night. Even my client said "What is wrong with you, you are always so happy". I told her what I did, and we laughed, but I still feel sick.

So I will share...one of my blog friends and I have emailed each other a few times (No not you Alexis)...the other one...I saw they commented on a blog, and got excited when I thought they had opened up a blogger account...so I rushed on over there without checking my email, cause they would have emailed me first of course and let me know...I went to the sight, the one I thought was the right one, and left comments all over the place...then I realized...it was not theirs, was someone else...a big ole OOOOOPS!

Okay I had to apologize my rear off this afternoon, because I may have stepped over the line with a few things I said...if I tell you what I said then I will be in trouble...lesson learned once already!

Just because I share with you...and not every dark detail is on here...I might want to run for public office and you know sex, cigars, inhaling, and payoffs have already been exposed...

You'll never drag it out of me...

...really the story goes...I woke up and this box and wrapper was laying next to the couch...someone had eaten the whole thing! They do have DNA testing that could...

Then I go to Alexis aka: Running Away? I'll help you pack, and found that my sister Photonuts had told her I ate it all in one sitting...I cannot remember and think she is telling stories on me...

Okay...so it was delicious I started with one buttery chocolate bite and the package was only 3 onces? Donna aka: photonuts likes popcorn, especially the kettle corn when we travel together and hit a local farmer's market, or country fair. I like chocolate, so she sent me a basket of goodie love for Christmas. I did not get it until afterwards and the hubby picked out what he liked, and I got my booty stashed. I finally remembered where it was and that is all she wrote!

No guilt, just a tummy full of empty calories and extra time at water aerobics...

TMI 'Sexy Mama' Award

I have decided that since there are awards in the blog world, and three have been passed my way by Mistress Of Cakes on my Behind The Wheel blog, The Raisin Chronicles for the effort of my 'six' blogs I keep up with, and from Running Away? I will Help you pack for recognizing I try and just be a true heart...I created my own TMI Award.

I will be passing (honestly) it on to all women and any man who works hard raising families, cook (no matter if it is out of a box or can), 'grow' with each passing year in heart, mind, and body (yeah I said it), still find the time to blog in spite of husbands or boyfriends who tease us about it, writes or appreciates, and appreciate a good TMI.

So go hop in this imaginary sudsy bath I have ran for you, and remember to shut the bathroom door (oh I remember oh to well when the kids would come in and watch), lock it, bare it all, and slip down into a warm moment of knowing you are sexy, wonderful, worthy of attention and worth every word you type and all you love!

Please take this and display it proudly...and spread the TMI word...

My real person friend here in NJ...
Gen @ GensBlogiddyblog
Alexis @Running Away? I'll Help You Pack
Jeanne @ The Raisin Chronicles
Beth @ Blind As A Bat
Tell It Like It Is @ That Darn Girl
Debra @ Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History
My Sis-Donna Kay in Texas... @ Photonuts...all my ex's live in Texas
3 Magpies @ ...well...3 Magpies
Duckie @A Duck In Her Pond
Dash Deringer @ The Deringer Files
K @ Interstitial Life
Greg @ www.sippitysup.com ...he does not have his blogger.com up yet, but his videos are too wild...if he and I would collaborate on a film...my god what the world would say!
Sandi aka: thatkewlgirl @ http://www.myspace.com/thatkewlgirl ...well because she and I have been talking for the past year, before this blog, and what can I say she and I share a whole lot!

and to the one who encouraged me to 'Let it all hang out' again...

Esk @ Sage Creative Corner

If you feel other deserve this than you have my permission to pass it on......if you feel this is totally annoying, I agree, but it is my contribution to the blog award situation, no harm intended...

Surgeon General Warning: Do not use electrical devices and electrical cords in the proximity of water or other liquids with this fake soap box.

Glamour Shots & Reminiscing...

I was cleaning up tonight, and decided to look through the photos my sister sent to me from my parents house. She and her son cleaned it out and sold it last year...

Can you guess which one is me...homely and my mother told me I could not cut my hair because 'my father' preferred it long...yeah right mom, I understand now that we were poor...you did make our clothes until high school...then I refused to wear elastic waist pants when all the other girls had levis...

...when I got got to sixth grade and joined junior drama I got a bit more mode in my fashion sense...Mom still made my dresses...and also one Spanish friend, Sylvia Barrientos, in this pic is one of my characters in my new novella I am writing...she and I stayed friends until I got married and we lost touch...good friend and worthy of a book...

That year was memorable...Ms Petty used to bring her guitar and sing with us...she let me start a puppet group, and we made little sets for our faux Broadway shows...imagine if I had become a star like I thought I would...

Whoa...can you say 80's and beauty school put a spin on my look...you could say I got a lot more attention from the men after this! That head band, and way too much makeup (I actually worked as a makeup artist for photographers during this period), what the hell was I thinking taking that off my neck and wrapping it around my over permed do...

A good reason why I only do it twice a year...

The worst thing you can do on New Years Eve is attend 'Open Bar' events in NYC, and end up in the gutter like I did two years ago. Cannot remember the name of the place, but once we left at 2:30 AM we were on a mission to get a cab and head back to his sisters apartment in upper Manhatten...then a girl comes by and falls over on me, sending me right down into one of those man hole gutters...yeah it is funny today, but not when you barely can climb out...thank goodness the alligator in the sewer stories are not true...I could have lost my legs, since I am so tasty!

I only over indugle twice a year...on my birthday in June, and on New Year's...

Why (if anyone cares), because look at me (NY 06)...I already talk too much...and when I drink I am even more of a nuisance to the public by being so 'Happy'...

(NY 07)Damn I look good in that teal dress! New hair cut and attitude, and hubby says even when I am drunk, I am sexy!

This year I did not go out in public, so no pictures...but I did have two glasses of wine, a glass of (a 40th birthday gift) Taylor Fladgate 1995 Port, and a wee bit of my Irish Whisky...hubby is stingy when it comes to our 'bar'...

I C U

Now this is really some deep thinking...while waiting for the New Year to roll around and in between text'ing all my friends to say HNY...hubby and I watched 'The Bucket List'. Somewhere between eight years ago and today I could not watch a movie like that. Why? Well, because like when they tell the two characters they do not have time to live reminds me of the daughter's (Anelisa) cardiologist telling me she might have a year...and when they take Morgan Freeman on the gurney through the operating room doors and you know he ain't coming back...

I am going to share now...Why? Because a new blog friend to whom I adore, Beth has been bothered recently about the loss of her mother...I can tell she is deeply affected by her absence, and can only imagine (we try) what one is experiencing...

At 9:20 AM on July 13th, 2000...Ane, me, and her father were waiting in a room for the doctors to come and wheel her into the operating room. She had been given some meds to help her become drowsy and she asked me to climb onto the gurney with her, so I did. We were being playful, and laughing like I was with my kids growing up. Anelisa had no idea that what was really about to happen. Mom did know.

Doctors for fourteen years had prodded and poked at her poor little petite body, and like most, she did not like going to the doctors at all. This was no different. I had known for almost seven months that she would be wheeled into that room, and never return home to me. So, as they came to get her I rode on the gurney, through the doors, and finally kissed her good bye. She pleaded with Dr. Mahoney to let me come in there with her, but she said no.

The surgery went okay...like the past four operations they added an artificial shunt to her aorta that was routed to her lungs. See she was born with no Pulmonary Arteries that go into and out from the lungs. They used to call them blue babies...and I was one as well. I had a hole in the heart, a murmur, which closed on its own eventually...although I still have an extra few beats they say are not normal. The shunts they put into Ane the last two to five beginning years; they clog and then you have to replace them. The body fights off foreign objects that we replace.

She could not have a transplant because they would have to have a heart and lungs. They still do not do this today. Medicine has come a long way, but not far enough. I had to except what was meant to be.

Anelisa stayed in the hospital and they said this would be it...her body had matured to a woman's status, and the doctors did not know if the heart could with stand the blood flow they added. At 1:50 AM in the morning the phone rang at 6306 Brook Lane, Dallas, Texas, and I answered. My heart was beating a thousand beats a minute. I knew what and who it was already...

I am not writing this for sympathy. I believe what I went through...what I am going through is an experience that builds character...sure it is hard as hell to experience loss like that...my parents both died a few years later...my hubby lost his father and step-father to cancer a year after that...I am scared to hell that if something would happen to my son or hubby I might be on a gurney myself shortly after...so I am writing this to say I Care... I still cry when I watch movies, but now my heart aches for those out there who have experienced loss and I wish I could give them all a big hug!