Thursday, January 26, 2012

Twelve, Is It The Magic Number

You are more likely to connect with an old friend later in life, than with an old flame. This is not a extraordinary thing I have figured out. Just my opinion. But it can be just as fun. Full of love. Something we all desire.

I have no desire to look up an old boy friend, although I have, my first love. A boy friend of four or more years. I was fourteen when he and I first saw each other on the street in front of my parents house. As usual we were playing soccer in the street when he came up and took our soccer ball just to be mean.

I was the oldest of the group, until he interrupted. He was two years older than I and one of the neighborhood boys older brother. We saw each other off and on for the next eight years. My younger sister had the pleasure of calling his house to say hello for 'us'. Hubby would love to have met him.

Okay back to my point. If you are in your forties or fifties you are less likely to look up an old flame. One reason could be you are already married, and hopefully happily. Another reason is you can't stand any of your old boy friends. It took you years to figure out why you kept picking losers and now you have the best gem available.

Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that and another twenty something or so years will pass. I am totally being sarcastic right? No. Relationships are what you put into them. People cheat because they get bored. They begin to search out what they think was a moment of complete happiness and they screwed it up. They want another chance. Maybe because they are not happy in the now.

Friendships work the same way. Eventually we realize those childhood relationships are not giving us what we might desire. Maybe the other person is not as positive in their lifestyles, you are tired of listening to their unhappiness and you move on. Sometimes you do more than grow apart. Tragedy can cause rifts, and you simply disappear. Similar to marriage deterioration. Family relationships work the same way. Anger can play a role.

Well I myself have slowly begun to evaluate my relationships within family, friends and my own marriage. You will be happy to know we are doing great. In love like the day we met. But I have had to do some soul searching in the family department. Counseling is helping with that. Family is unconditional, just like a marriage should be. I don't mean give give give and do not take. It is a fifty fifty thing. I firmly believe in that.

Friends, well I have slowly reconnected with friends from before my daughter passed away. Grief was like a fog for me, and I cannot believe it's been this long, but it has been twelve years. In counseling I have come to realize that no matter what family or friends have done or not done for me, I do love them all.

I even care about the old flame, but most likely he and I will never reconnect. Not if his wife has anything to do with it. I have reconnected with two four people this week. And I look forward to hearing about their life's joys and pain if that is what it takes to show them my heart is a big place. There is plenty of room for anyone who can handle me.

I have learned all too well something my grandmother would say when I would share my hurts with her, 'Love and forgiveness is something that grows with time'. We learn to put what is more important up front over what we once felt was more pressing. I wish my grandmother was alive to talk about it with me. I had no clue when I was twenty something. No clue at all. Until now. And it is only beginning.

Remember to say 'I love you' to your spouse, family, and friends. It might be something they need from others.

(photo above is property of my son, Aaron and his now ex, Andi- 2011)

1 comment:

Pearl said...

good to cherish what is working and let that trump the petty things. another thing about may not be the body trying to find a healthier chemistry.

grief is one thing that wears a person down as you know, and falling in love can shake it all to new normals. love is a n antidote to grief, helps us weather it.