Friday, December 23, 2011

Let Me Interupt This Programming...

Some of you maybe tired of me moaning and groaning about life struggles lately, too bad. It's my life. My blog. Okay, I'm really being sarcastic. Like how I dressed up the front door? Made it myself! Not really, but I could have. Now for other updates.

I had my back doctor appointment last week. "Just a little arthritis in the lower back" he said, and I probably need to see a bariatric doctor, or my knees would go. Already taken care of. I got in a month and half early, which was a great thing for my body. Appointment taken care of yesterday.

What did they say? I am obviously a good candidate for any of the three surgeries. I chose gastric bypass. I know my cheating heart. I do well for six months and then go off the deep end on sweets the other six. I maintain my weight...back-up. I did when I was younger. I so sucked at it in my forties. I never completely ate right. I gave up things so the kids could. Working full-time, two businesses, two kids, a ridiculously busy house-hold and life kept the fat me at bay.

When Anelisa died my exercising and extra went...somewhere. It's floating around in outer space. Sorry, I will try and refrain from cliches. I had to admit this past few months I cannot do it on my own. I had a dietician, but she was not firm enough in having me send my eating journals. And she was around for the 'good' six months.

I eat crappy. There I said it. I can eat so healthy for a while, but then the bad carbs creep in by the pounds. My sister and I even half heartily laugh about it. She, as I have said before is worse than I am, but bad is bad. She doesn't eat green vegetables at all. Maybe a can of green beans now and then, but we know how healthy those are for high blood pressure. Our mom was obese and both parents ate horrible. Life training sucked. I'm not blaming them totally. At some point we have to be adult.

So now I have to set a timer, eat regular small meals, and eat a high protein diet. I can't lock carbs outside the front door like I have been. 'Healthy' carbs they call them. Ha! I have to redirect my whole thinking. But I know it's the only way out of this hell they call being FAT and unhealthy. How? With eating? No, with a coach. Yes, I now have a life and eating coach. I also admitted there was a need to go back to my councilor too, Bill. I know admitting support was needed would make me accountable was the right thing.

Donna, my coach... I like her, she is funny and took her time with me after the doctors appointment.

One of my good friends Randi had this surgery, and with the same doctor I chose. She has kept the weight off. It means I have another support. My sister is coming in March, whether she likes it or not we will be each others support, and she will stay with me for a few months. I told her, she is going to learn how to eat healthy with me. No choice, at least in my house.

I also have to attend a support group. Yep, I avoided those with Anelisa's illness. Sigh.I am sure I have not been easy to hang around or live with. With all the moody sadness and crap I let hang out.

My surgery? Late March. I am nervous and excited. It's only a jump start. But hey, I want to be able to hike through beautiful places without having to sit down every freakin few feet (my son and husband are nodding yes to this one!). Another thing I like about the coach...she had the surgery ten years ago and understands the fears and sadness I endure.

I wrote a few poem drafts in the doctors office. Funny thoughts I had on the company I have been keeping, food that is.

Peace to all of you out there. Mine has finally begun to expand in this place I dwell.

Now if I could just get a good support bra, I would be as perky as my wreath!


Anonymous said...

I know that nothing is the perfect answer, but hopefully you've found the best answer for you. I've heard lots of people give lots of reasons for weight gain ...& they have all tried 1000 things, time & time again. Some won't do surgery or say they don't really need it, but I think it is a brave choice. ~Mary

Chef E said...

Thanks for your support Mary :)

My age and another reason 'metabolic syndrome', plus my health have factored into this. I see it as a jump start and a way to force me into eating less and choosing the 'right' foods.

In a way it's like I was sent to the principles office, because the teacher just wasn't getting through to me :)

dash deringer said...

first you have to change what you are putting into your mind and the rest will follow... wise words from my mentor... in other words - get the crap out of your mind and then get the crap out of your body. Attitude is first and foremost important in everything... everything.

And I wish you a very merry Christmas my dear to you and your family... with lost of love and the best of wishes...

Chef E said...

It's amazing what crap people are throwing at me. Someone on facebook sent me a message saying give something they tried a chance, she lost blah blah blah on supplements. These people don't realize I'm older and have health problems already.

I know three people here, two of whom have been successful with surgery and ten years later still kept weight off. Exercise and other stuff of course, but I want to stop taking meds, not add one.

Jessie Carty said...

I know how hard it is to decide to have surgery. Anyone who isn't related to you really shouldn't second guess what you, your family, and your doctors decide.

I also dream of hiking without pain. Hope to join you there someday :)

Jeanne said...

You've thought this through and chosen what's right for you. It will turn out great and I'll hardly recognize you the next time I see you.

Merry Christmas, friend.