Let Me Interupt This Programming...

Some of you maybe tired of me moaning and groaning about life struggles lately, too bad. It's my life. My blog. Okay, I'm really being sarcastic. Like how I dressed up the front door? Made it myself! Not really, but I could have. Now for other updates.

I had my back doctor appointment last week. "Just a little arthritis in the lower back" he said, and I probably need to see a bariatric doctor, or my knees would go. Already taken care of. I got in a month and half early, which was a great thing for my body. Appointment taken care of yesterday.

What did they say? I am obviously a good candidate for any of the three surgeries. I chose gastric bypass. I know my cheating heart. I do well for six months and then go off the deep end on sweets the other six. I maintain my weight...back-up. I did when I was younger. I so sucked at it in my forties. I never completely ate right. I gave up things so the kids could. Working full-time, two businesses, two kids, a ridiculously busy house-hold and life kept the fat me at bay.

When Anelisa died my exercising and extra went...somewhere. It's floating around in outer space. Sorry, I will try and refrain from cliches. I had to admit this past few months I cannot do it on my own. I had a dietician, but she was not firm enough in having me send my eating journals. And she was around for the 'good' six months.

I eat crappy. There I said it. I can eat so healthy for a while, but then the bad carbs creep in by the pounds. My sister and I even half heartily laugh about it. She, as I have said before is worse than I am, but bad is bad. She doesn't eat green vegetables at all. Maybe a can of green beans now and then, but we know how healthy those are for high blood pressure. Our mom was obese and both parents ate horrible. Life training sucked. I'm not blaming them totally. At some point we have to be adult.

So now I have to set a timer, eat regular small meals, and eat a high protein diet. I can't lock carbs outside the front door like I have been. 'Healthy' carbs they call them. Ha! I have to redirect my whole thinking. But I know it's the only way out of this hell they call being FAT and unhealthy. How? With eating? No, with a coach. Yes, I now have a life and eating coach. I also admitted there was a need to go back to my councilor too, Bill. I know admitting support was needed would make me accountable was the right thing.

Donna, my coach... I like her, she is funny and took her time with me after the doctors appointment.

One of my good friends Randi had this surgery, and with the same doctor I chose. She has kept the weight off. It means I have another support. My sister is coming in March, whether she likes it or not we will be each others support, and she will stay with me for a few months. I told her, she is going to learn how to eat healthy with me. No choice, at least in my house.

I also have to attend a support group. Yep, I avoided those with Anelisa's illness. Sigh.I am sure I have not been easy to hang around or live with. With all the moody sadness and crap I let hang out.

My surgery? Late March. I am nervous and excited. It's only a jump start. But hey, I want to be able to hike through beautiful places without having to sit down every freakin few feet (my son and husband are nodding yes to this one!). Another thing I like about the coach...she had the surgery ten years ago and understands the fears and sadness I endure.

I wrote a few poem drafts in the doctors office. Funny thoughts I had on the company I have been keeping, food that is.

Peace to all of you out there. Mine has finally begun to expand in this place I dwell.

Now if I could just get a good support bra, I would be as perky as my wreath!