Let Me Interupt This Programming...

Some of you maybe tired of me moaning and groaning about life struggles lately, too bad. It's my life. My blog. Okay, I'm really being sarcastic. Like how I dressed up the front door? Made it myself! Not really, but I could have. Now for other updates.

I had my back doctor appointment last week. "Just a little arthritis in the lower back" he said, and I probably need to see a bariatric doctor, or my knees would go. Already taken care of. I got in a month and half early, which was a great thing for my body. Appointment taken care of yesterday.

What did they say? I am obviously a good candidate for any of the three surgeries. I chose gastric bypass. I know my cheating heart. I do well for six months and then go off the deep end on sweets the other six. I maintain my weight...back-up. I did when I was younger. I so sucked at it in my forties. I never completely ate right. I gave up things so the kids could. Working full-time, two businesses, two kids, a ridiculously busy house-hold and life kept the fat me at bay.

When Anelisa died my exercising and extra went...somewhere. It's floating around in outer space. Sorry, I will try and refrain from cliches. I had to admit this past few months I cannot do it on my own. I had a dietician, but she was not firm enough in having me send my eating journals. And she was around for the 'good' six months.

I eat crappy. There I said it. I can eat so healthy for a while, but then the bad carbs creep in by the pounds. My sister and I even half heartily laugh about it. She, as I have said before is worse than I am, but bad is bad. She doesn't eat green vegetables at all. Maybe a can of green beans now and then, but we know how healthy those are for high blood pressure. Our mom was obese and both parents ate horrible. Life training sucked. I'm not blaming them totally. At some point we have to be adult.

So now I have to set a timer, eat regular small meals, and eat a high protein diet. I can't lock carbs outside the front door like I have been. 'Healthy' carbs they call them. Ha! I have to redirect my whole thinking. But I know it's the only way out of this hell they call being FAT and unhealthy. How? With eating? No, with a coach. Yes, I now have a life and eating coach. I also admitted there was a need to go back to my councilor too, Bill. I know admitting support was needed would make me accountable was the right thing.

Donna, my coach... I like her, she is funny and took her time with me after the doctors appointment.

One of my good friends Randi had this surgery, and with the same doctor I chose. She has kept the weight off. It means I have another support. My sister is coming in March, whether she likes it or not we will be each others support, and she will stay with me for a few months. I told her, she is going to learn how to eat healthy with me. No choice, at least in my house.

I also have to attend a support group. Yep, I avoided those with Anelisa's illness. Sigh.I am sure I have not been easy to hang around or live with. With all the moody sadness and crap I let hang out.

My surgery? Late March. I am nervous and excited. It's only a jump start. But hey, I want to be able to hike through beautiful places without having to sit down every freakin few feet (my son and husband are nodding yes to this one!). Another thing I like about the coach...she had the surgery ten years ago and understands the fears and sadness I endure.

I wrote a few poem drafts in the doctors office. Funny thoughts I had on the company I have been keeping, food that is.

Peace to all of you out there. Mine has finally begun to expand in this place I dwell.

Now if I could just get a good support bra, I would be as perky as my wreath!

Wish Me Luck

Actually it's my own fault. I had a physical before going to Korea and did not get my report in the mail like I usually do, so I figured it was because they screwed up my insurance information and needed more time. Which is a whole other story.

When I returned, I opened the report to see once again my blood sugar was 'elevated'. Something I have been seeing for the past four years. 99 is the normal high range, but they did lower it from 123 or so two years ago. They say because people are not taking diabetes seriously and more people have it nowadays.

Silly me, I went into the doctor's office and brought it up. I said "Well it's not like I have diabetes, just because my levels are a bit elevated". They have been 114, and consistent the past four years. I did not notice the number was 173 on this report. Ooops, my bad. He said "Yes, you have diabetes." His options were try once again eating a well balanced meal, see a dietician, exercise, and attend diabetes workshops. Or...all of this and take an insulin pill.

I opted for the pill and the rest, but made an appointment to be retested. Why? Because in the back of my mind I think I ate something due to my insomnia, after midnight (the fasting cut off time for testing). So I have eaten like a good egg since Friday (seeing the doctor) and have been taking my Metformin. I go today to get retested. No eating after midnight, I was a good patient. However...

I have spoken with two of my nurse friends in Dallas. I have been experiencing repeated hunger, sleepiness, and shaking throughout the day. I have been warned it could be low blood sugar, that I should not be taking this medication.

One of the nurse friends, Joyce said she was surprised he did not tell me to monitor my sugar levels. She is mailing me a sugar level tester. Her boss, a doctor gives them out for free. That will help me see what is going on after meals.

I will talk about it today with the doctor and report back. I am hoping I just majorly screwed myself by eating after midnight. I don't have diabetes and have another chance at changing my diet, meaning eating breakfast and not after seven in the evening. Also, I made the choice to give up alcohol altogether. Its been a long time coming. I am getting older and never really was a party animal. I did not drink until I was over thirty, as I have said before.

I have been saddened to tell hubby 'no more wine' with our meals. He loves his wine, but he also knows he has gained weight from the alcohol with meals. He lost weight from all of our walking and his food poisoning in Korea, we both have. I would rather be able to eat the foods I love than drink calorie laden and sugary alcohol that has no bearing on my happiness. I used it to numb the pain of Anelisa's death before moving to New Jersey, but now it is time to go back to the non-drinker I was before she got very ill sixteen years ago.

A chef who loves cooking and pairing wine with food giving up that passion? I had already begun a no-scotch regime for the past year, so what is a little wine. Scotch is the real culprit in my diet. Sugar filled foods too. My sweet tooth has to go.

Wish me luck on the testing...I have not wanted to ever hear the words "You are a diabetic" like my mom did all those years ago. Because I know how hard it will be to change on a dime, rather than given a chance to make changes at my own pace.

(Photo above- I found this pic in my files thanks to my friend Donna. Me and my son Aaron when I had my Dallas catering company, and working as a chef consultant for assisted living facilities, and was a size fourteen/sixteen. Sure I had a belly already, but I was more fit than I am now. My son had a chili bowl cut, and was around fourteen, he is adorable!)