Friday, December 2, 2011

Who Say's That!

My husband grew up being the oldest of eight siblings, and this is his mom's grandchildren minus six others who were not able to attend the Thanksgiving celebration.

I have a brother. Actually, I grew up with six siblings: two brothers, one half, and four sisters, three half by my mom's first marriage. I don't see any of the older siblings. Two have passed away in the past year. I am the second to youngest of them all, and I all I have is my relationship with the youngest of us, my lil'sista. You all know her by now. Fun and exhausting, but I love her very much.

At some point, around 12 years old our family began to sever from emotional and alcohol problems on the adults part. I never understood how this could happen until my own siblings grew apart. I wish I knew my brother, the one just a year older than I. Wait I do know him. All too well in fact. He is a super duper Bible belt religious character. Right out of a movie. At times a little crazy. Hard core fire and brimstone damn right annoying crazy.

On many occasions he has sent letters and come into our homes telling us we are going to hell because we don't believe the way he does. How does he know this? Because Jesus came to him several times and told him his family had to be saved. People who believe in this manner really believe they have had this experience. And they have every right, but the problem is...they try and push it off on others in a very pushy way. Some believe it is a disease, related to narcissistic behavior. I was told my son's father was extremely narcissistic, his way or the highway, and he too was religious along with being abusive.

I am afraid he grew up in the same abuse and calamity as the rest of us siblings. But he is the only one that went the opposite direction of a life of crime as the first four. The last two, me and sister girl, well we have managed to strive for peace and stay out of legal trouble. We have figured out what makes us tick, the root of our difficulties so we can improve upon what we have. I believe in love unconditionally and helping each other out when we can.

My brother unfortunately has just chosen to remove himself from our lives and maybe it is for the better. I love him though. I wish he would figure out what he is doing alienates himself from others. I am sure there are plenty of people around him in the state of...okay I will not share that one, but you cannot tell me everyone loves him the way he is.

I am fully educated in why people like him cling to religion and God in this way. He is also self medicating himself from mental illness issues and what we went through. Why this post all of a sudden? Because I am friends with my nieces, his daughters on Facebook and the youngest just told me something very disturbing. She said her father, my brother told her she was spiritually dead to God because she is accident prone. She apparently tore a hole in one of her car tires and asked him for help.

Who says that to their child? First of all I know several people including myself who have torn or blew out a tire. I have done it twice, the first time was a faulty new tire and they replaced it. I am also accident prone at times. I call it clumsy. Does that make me spiritually dead? Not in the least. Some people can walk into a room and charm the pants off of everyone, have very successful lives (in worldly standards), and it's win win win all the way around. Some of us struggle all of our lives. Eventually I found peace in who I am.

My father told me that this brother was not his real son biologically. I believe my mom told him before she died. It did not bother me. I love him no matter. Our parents, like us make mistakes. We have to forgive them, as they do the best they can, like us. Apparently my brother has decided because of this lie he lived, it's him against the world. Transparently my father loved him like his own son, and married my mom in spite of things.

I have been able to open up to my nieces and enjoy their lives as wives and mothers this past year, when my brother kept them away from my parents and us all these years, because we were bad people in his mind. If there was any way to reach him so I can tell him how much I love him and our childhood was not a total waste, I would. But stop telling your daughter hurtful things.

Family. One of the hardest life lessons on earth.


Anonymous said...

I have learned that negotiating our way around brothers and sisters can become difficult as we age. No longer are we, or are they, masked by innocence.

At some stage we can pick the family in our lives. Yet, we will forever in some way be tied to the family we were born into. This can take time to find peace with. I am glad you are able to enjoy your nieces as they discover adulthood. They are lucky to have an aunt to grow with.

Pearl said...

ah, families.

glad you've mostly got clear of the non healthy routes among its plains.

got a few varieties of your brother. people tend to go thru waves of intensity. think you're right in seeing it or what it is, a coping mechanism. how can he see that the apples he reaches for damage what he could have at present and treasure.