Water Under The Bridge

I am going to tread on water here, most definitely not walk on it, I'd sink like a rock. But I decided not to get on social media on September 11th. I tire of endless status remarks about what happened that day 12 years ago. Mainly because my daughter passed away a year earlier. When it all took place on television and in NYC I was numb. I could not even feel sympathy, sure I was not happy about it, but as I found out from others who suffered losing a loved one (a child especially) they said the same thing.

A poem came out in the process of meeting others who shared watching television and how we felt that day and days, years afterward. Now I am sure the families of those lost can relate when they also watch a life and death situation on the news. It's just awful, the worst feeling to lose someone you love. I wonder how many have lost a child on Sept 11th and cannot cope period. PTSD can take its toll.

Losing a child might seem harder, but I respect those who have lost period.

Twin Tower I.

Many of us sat and watched from the couch

when one by one NYC twin towers

were hit by planes, taken by terrorists.

People began jumping from windows, but

still numb from my own explosion of bad news

a world no longer spinning with life-

I wanted to dive into the screen

pull each one back into their prospective place

discuss how sad life had gotten

how tiny hearts wrap you up

hold you hostage as their disease squeezes

that terror of not knowing the end date.

Fourteen years earlier I sat in a similar place

and watched a space shuttle blow up

holding my baby- hoping those who died

their loved ones would be okay

walking a road of grief no one is prepared for

as new life is celebrated.

There is a II, but it will remain in my m/s until I publish.

PS- I stole this title from a beautiful poet KMPoetry, my apologies and go check out her site!
Kara M Poetry 

September 11, 2011

Early one morning heart disease hijacked my fourteen year old daughters life, shooting down my home hearth as my family and I knew it. Sound familiar, yes we all witnessed terrorists attacking The World Trade Centers Twin Towers I & II in New York City, but some of us were already suffering from other loss.

I do not mean in any way to sound unpatriotic, but I feel we should remember our loved ones every day of our lives, not just on certain days, or years. I guess because the pain was so great after only one year, my heart was numb. Does this mean I have no connection to that horrible day, of course I do, but I feel this day has turned into more of a holiday than what it really was.

We should fly our countries flag everyday, not just today on facebook or our blogs or on September 11th. Maybe I am flying my daughters flag? I do not go one day without feeling sad in some way or another. I loved her so much.

However my heart does go out to those who lost on this day. In a way we join hands in a link of loss.

This poem is my own monument for this date, and from my book 365 Days X Ten (publishing still pending)...

Twin Tower I

Many of us, sat and watched
one by one as twin towers

hit by planes
punctured a democracy

Still numb from my own explosion
a world no longer spinning

staring numbly at the screen
I wanted to jump

how sad life had become
years earlier, a tiny heart

held me hostage, for so long
the terror of not knowing

I sat in a similar chair, television revealing
a space shuttle blowing up

Holding my new baby in terror
hoping their loved ones

would be okay
as new life would be celebrated.



Love and pain can occupy the same time and space,
but are never the same each time around - A mother's own words...  


(the above flag is my own photo taken 7/21/2011, and flies over the World Trade Center memorial site in NYC)

Dear John Letter

Dear John,

I know it was hard for me to ask you to play the piano at Anelisa's memorial; it was hard for me to be there. I have wanted to say something to you...it has taken so long to say these things to you since we last parted, and that I hope you realize what you did for me.

You gave me a gift that I was not able to open until this year. The gift has sat in the back of my mind for almost ten years before it was ready to play out in reality. You gave yourself, your time at the piano to teach a student out of love. She loved you, and there was never any jealousy on my part in the time spent when we would come over. I enjoyed working for you, helping keep your office going while you took Ane and Aaron on runs.

I also wanted you to know that since Aaron had no interest in keeping the sheet music, so I passed it on to my clients son recently. He has been taking piano lessons, and excels in composing his own beautiful work. Rahual may not understand what this piece means to me, but maybe one day he will listen to the words and think of his own sister who passed only just a year ago of a similar disease as my own child. Helping take care of her for three years as I cooked for their family was implementable in my healing.

Let me tell you how much you still mean to me after all these years. Ane loved her uncle, and there was no other. She loved the 'Titantic' move, and Leonardo- God was she boy crazy! If she were around today, she might not think he is so cute!

Our memories shared of her zest for life, and her will to go on, will ring out in our hearts for ever.

Love,

Elizabeth